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My sister died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) in her sleep when I was 3 years old.I don’t remember much about it.My grandmother told me she remembered my father, who was 23 at the time, carrying my sister’s tiny casket down the steps of the church by himself.“He was wearing his sailor uniform,†she told me. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget how sad it was.â€Dad said he brought Joanna into the world, so he would be the one to carry her to her final resting place.My mother was 25 at the time. By this time, my mother had lost two children, divided by me — the one who lived.Now that I’m grown and have kids of my own, I can’t imagine finding the strength to carry on after something like that.It must have been difficult to find the strength to take care of me, after burying a child — each childhood joy lessened by the knowledge that her other children would never experience them. I’m sure I was full of energy at times when she only wanted to mourn.At times, it must have been hard to be kind.But she did it. It effected her more than I think even she realized. I was certainly clueless.But now I understand. Or, at least, I understand better. I have kids of my own. I can vaguely understand the terror of losing them.My mother went on to raise me, my brother and my sister. She’s helped me along the way more than she probably should have.She’s yelled at me, guilt-tripped me and made me feel foolish. She’s praised me, fed me and raised me to understand that people deserve second chances. She raised me in the church, and although she might think sometimes those lessons didn’t stick, she’s wrong.I remember the hard times, when we were growing up. I remember being poor when I was young and better off when I was older. I remember feeling rejected because I had to drive around in a minivan and an old beat-up pick-up truck, when by brother and sister got nicer, newer cars.The funny thing is, I miss that old pick-up truck these days. Back then, I didn’t understand.Plenty of women might describe themselves as “baby crazy,†but my mother takes it to another level and she always has. Our old pastor used to say she had a gift for taking care of babies because of what she went through. She knew exactly how precious and temporary children are.There isn’t a screaming baby alive my mother didn’t have the patience to soothe. There wasn’t a toddler in the church building who didn’t run to her for hugs when they saw her.I hate the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason.â€It’s terrible when people try to say God’s plan was to rob Joanna from our family so my mom could inherit some kind of spiritual gift for taking care of babies. 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